How To Coach Yourself
What do you do when you need to Coach Yourself but you don’t know you need to coach yourself?
You hit a bump in the road, fall into a slump and have a nagging discomfort that this is all there is? You’re thinking, “This is hard” and asking, “Shouldn’t I be doing better? Shouldn’t I enjoy work AND be more fulfilled? I need a change but I can’t change my career. I have a mortgage–I finally have the house I want to live in and I have children, I’m in deep!”
In a Downward Spiral? Coach Yourself Upward
Your confidence has taken a hit, your perseverance is dwindling and you need a life preserver for your sinking mindset. Rebooting from this stance can seem insurmountable. Negativity and inertia tend to pile up and the avalanche can bury you. You may be thinking, “I’ll never climb out.” Life is pulling you down.
Leaders, achievers and managers can coach themselves to transcend and triumph over the bumps and slumps that lead to a “can’t beat em, join em” giving up and accepting the communal negativity and inertia. Like with anything—the more energy infused, the better the result.
How do you muster energy when you’re down and feel off your game? First, avoid the energy leakage of worrying, fretting that you’re stuck.
Set The Stage to Coach Yourself
Much of achievement, leadership, the high road and winning is about attitude, mental and emotional energy—that’s the foundation, the underpinning. Most coaches know that reinvention, transformation or new growth doesn’t arise from the deflated and lethargic mindset. It comes from a bedrock of possibility, energy and enthusiasm. So how do you set your own stage for reinvention?
You need to know what we are after. What is the pursuit? Most of my coaching revolves around leaders’ desire to be at their best under some of the most troubling and uncertain circumstances.
The Goals to Coach Yourself Toward
We can’t expect to eliminate bumps and slumps. It’s too much to expect to live in bliss.
But you owe it to yourself, your family to find meaning, purpose and a new direction to thrive in your existing life situation.
That means having the capacity to know where you are and the self-knowledge and energy to move into a new place….
Once there were two leaders walking in New York City. The first leader fell into an open sidewalk hole. He began shouting wildly for help so the second leader jumped in. The first leader chided him. “What the hell did you do that for? Now we have no means to get out?” The second leader said, “I’ve been in here before and I know how to get out.”
The goal of coaching is to develop personally and professionally. The products coaching are self-correcting, self-learning, self-generating excellent performance. Let’s begin with self-correcting.
Stress, uncertainty and ambiguity are part of life. The less control you have, the more stressed you’ll feel. As you undoubtedly know it’s not what happens to us it’s how we respond to what happens that matters.
You can coach yourself to be self-correcting quite effectively. Generally what holds people back is limited beliefs, stagnant perspectives, and ideas that the past is the sole indication of the future. Many people get stuck here, “circling the airport” and never landing. With limited thinking and limited perspectives, people limit their actions. With an open mind and (in the moment) new thinking, we can dramatically change the impact we have…..especially on ourselves.
Let’s say you are facing recurring challenges at home. Your children are off-track and finances are challenging, stress is all around. You feel negative, defeated and inadequate. You feel stuck. But you have a high stakes meeting at work where you simply must be at your best.
You must be able to manage and control your underlying thoughts and emotions. You want to be able to self-correct in the moment, mid-meeting/ mid-sentence to express and deliver what you most want to have impact on in the situation. Invest the time to coach yourself.
To do this you must acutely aware of yourself and have enough presence to examine your habits of thought. What comes up automatically is not always productive especially when below the surface life is full of uncertainty and challenges. The stressful meeting is a place where you could easily be caught off guard if you are not at your best. Emotions are elevated, opinions are strong and passions are over the top. These are all red flags or potential pitfalls.
Coach yourself to stay in the moment and observe what is coming up in you before others see it come out of you. Make adjustments and corrections and deliver precisely the impact you want to have. If you are feeling particularly troubled it’s better to say less than more. Pause and step away. Take a few moments for yourself if you recognize that you need it.
Self-learning means you learn on your own from your experiences. You view setbacks not as a negative outcome but a learning experience. Stay positive….remember interpretation (see above). Your team, your work environment, everything will teach you what you need to know if you are open to listening.
Self-generating is like applying the entrepreneurial approach. You don’t wait for things to happen. You make things happen.
What you are doing here is working on self-mastery–making every day a little better not stuck in the decline/complaining mode.
Training comes and goes but personal mastery is forever. Coach Yourself Toward Mastery.
Well-coached people appear masterful, always in control, composed and rational. They are. But that’s not because they don’t have any troubles. It’s because they are continually conditioning themselves in the right direction.. They have developed the strength and finesse to manage every situation (along with their troubles) masterfully.
The fortitude to coach yourself, to become a conditioned, masterful leader must be developed and you’re just the leader to do it!
Here are some developmental tools, support and inspiration:
This post is number 1 in a series. Part II is here.Call us today at 609-742-9929 or e-mail us.
© Brian Braudis 2019, All rights reservedTags: Bliss, career is drudgery, Coach Yourself, Emotion, Energy, Habits of Thought, Job sucks, Masterful, Stuck