What Causes Incivility?
Hidden within the problems and struggles at work are opportunities for improvement, thriving, meaning, and purpose. Most people can’t see this. They blame work for their suffering and misery.
Look Around to See What Causes Civility
Carefully observe. Listen to people’s complaints. Hear the impoverished monologue. No one listens to me. It doesn’t matter what I do, nothing ever changes. I’ll never get promoted….. Some people operate (tolerate) this way of living and working for 10, 20, 30, 40 years.
What causes incivility is hidden in plain sight!
Easy, Not Thoughtful
Our society champions what’s easy. Quick-fix, instant gratification, and wealth without work are pursuits that lack substance. When we fail to be fulfilled by these shallow pursuits, we go to the self-protecting monologue mentioned earlier. And the cycle continues.
The easy path is not typically the wisest. When you stop long enough to assess what is really going on seriously; and pursue answers, not activity. You see that unhappy people have themselves at the center of their universe, and that’s a tiny, tiny universe. Not to mention it’s a universe that is inbred with negative self-talk that is entirely repetitive.
The people who are focused on themselves are the least fulfilled, the least satisfied. These are the people who at the end of their career, have deep regrets. They retire angry.
Nobody wants to reach the end of their career and experience regret. It’s a deep-seated human desire to become valuable, contribute, and progress. Everyone wants not only a paycheck but, a satisfying and fulfilling career with purpose and meaning. A career they are proud of. We want a story that is worth being retold.
Me Me Me
It’s not very satisfying to focus solely on yourself. There’s not much meaning and purpose here. There’s no depth, and without depth, your veneer easily cracks. A shallow purpose is not a purpose.
The effect is what you see and experience in the workplace. Anger, frustration, and debilitating disappointment are all symptoms of being lost without direction or purpose and meaning that can’t be found. The smallness of a self-centered focus leads to petty preoccupations, tiny-minded fixations, and overly elevated annoyances with the littlest things. This is what causes incivility.
If everyone did their part, picked up their share of the burden to improve the world, we would be free of dilemma and on the road building everyday progress.
The secret is to begin to hone the best that is within you. Generosity, integrity, fairness, kindness, find these sweet spots.
Based not on theory or data but on experience, here are my 45 lessons for the path that will address What Causes Incivility and create progress and contribution:
- Life is the ultimate creative act. Create your life rather than react to life
- Fear is useless what is needed is effort.
- Work on your roots. Don’t treat problems, cure them!
- Do everything with integrity.
- Build your character.
- Daily investment over the occasional view.
- Trust yourself.
- The feeling you have, what you alone know about yourself, the image of your destiny, keep it close.
- There is no power outside of you.
- Bring a spirited effort; energy, enthusiasm and enjoyment to everything you do.
- Don’t try find yourself, invest in creating yourself.
- We are called to be more than human, and we must trust that we are capable.
- Don’t give resentment a home.
- A solid, confident core inevitably leads to a solid, productive and meaningful life.
- Find your life’s purpose in accepting responsibility.
- Work as hard as you possibly can on yourself.
- One of the most beautiful things you can do is deeply listen to another human being.
- Human connection is vital.
- Sleep is underrated.
- Speak only the truth
- Respect those not present in the conversation.
- Negativity will find you. Positivity and growth have to be pursued and injected.
- Find people you respect and imitate their efforts.
- It’s liberating to discover for yourself what works.
- Be a model not a critic.
- Lead your life
- Be true to the best in you.
- Don’t judge, label and accuse.
- Make your life a living dialog of goodness.
- You can’t hit a target you don’t aim for.
- Do everything to elevate humanity and noting to diminish it.
- Notice your mood before anyone else does.
- Self-management is underrated.
- Be an Advocate.
- Emotions are overwhelmingly powerful, and you are full of them!
- Lack of awareness, insight and understanding stunts your growth.
- Create results every day, so you don’t have to live with consequences.
- Recognize the easy access to goodness.
- Life is not problematic or agitating, you are.
- Health and fitness are not found in a doctor’s office.
- Writing is under-appreciated as a highly effective self-realization strategy.
- Inspire interest, engagement and action wherever you go.
- The mind is your servant not the master.
- Humanity is much loftier than anyone can imagine.
- You can do it. We should do it. We must do it!
You win when you invest in developing the best version of yourself. You become the civility we all want to see in the world.
Go here for an engaging, supportive and inspiring community on Civility@Work.
Retain your emotional balance in the face of workplace difficulty and constructively dispel anxiety—the payoff will be all yours. You will be showing the best possible version of yourself while you are increasing Civility.
© Brian Braudis 2019, All rights reserved
Tags: Civility at work, Emotional Intelligence, Incivility