You Are the Expert of You
Who’s the real expert? You are the expert of you. To stay strong in any situation, ask yourself, what do I need?
Like most of you my life has become virtual.
I attended a virtual conference and connected with several colleagues.
There was a marketing coach, a financial coach, an executive (Vistage) coach, a corporate trainer, and a certified fitness coach at our Zoom conference.
The broad array of topics funneled down to one.
How do you advise your clients to stay strong in any situation and persevere?
We agreed on one foundational approach that will feed all other strategies; know thyself or, one could say discover thyself!
If you have trouble adhering to a workout regime, developing new, more productive habits, waking up early, personal development, sticking to a mindfulness practice or a healthy lifestyle, it’s essential to know why.
Self-discovery: You are the expert of you
The shortest route is to discover the underlying energy that is preventing you from making the changes you want to make.
- Before you begin any new effort pause and ask why?
- What are you aiming for? What is your target?
- Why? What will the new aim give you?
- What is necessary for success and….are you willing to commit?
- What do I need to shore up and put into place to ensure success?
In a flash moment, people get an idea, they say yeah! That’s what I need! But do you?
The expert with the highest direct knowledge, the one who has collected enough data and experiences to address these foundational issues, is you.
Pause. Instill stillness and listen to yourself. Mindfully watch your thoughts and how they trigger you. Then softly ask yourself. What do I want and what plan will get me there?
Happiness is as a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.– Nathaniel Hawthorne
The following quotes and insight come from Carl Rogers, a founder of the humanistic approach to psychology, someone worth studying.
Rogers analyzed why we struggle and what to do to get unstuck, move beyond perceived limitations, and advance with the ease we were designed to enjoy.
As no one else can know how we perceive, we are the best experts on ourselves. Carl Rogers
He agreed with Abraham Maslow that self-actualized people are those who are fulfilled and performing at full capacity.
But Rogers added the idea that environment in large part either limits or nourishes our growth. This was Rogers’ primary contribution.
If we were accepted warmly with genuine openness and positive regard, we will flourish.
Just like a flower that has the right soil and conditions will grow and blossom, we will unfold and thrive in the right conditions.
People are inherently good. They become blocked, limited, negative, or destructive only when a poor self-concept—which is the result of abuse or trauma, a negative environment, or anything that acts to override the valuing process. In other words, people learn to hate and be cynical.
Trauma or a lousy environment affects us subconsciously, in ways not readily apparent, so it pays to study, analyze, dig, and find out what you can do that will most benefit you.
What area will benefit from intense and acute attention? You’re the expert.
Studying Carl Rogers taught me to shift my way of working with clients. Instead of thinking “what’s wrong with you? I now say to myself, what happened to you?
Rogers believed, when an individual knows and becomes more deeply and fully himself, greater satisfaction and happiness naturally results.
He also said, the good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.
That’s another reminder of the need for daily effort over the occasional view.
“Why on earth are we here? Surely not to live in pain and fear.”—John Lennon
© Brian Braudis 2020, All rights reservedTags: Carl Rogers, Coaching, Daily Effort, Maslow, Trauma, You Are the Expert of You